I can't stop saying fuck. Sorry mom.
Went to Target today. I took Max as my bodyguard. Yes I know I said I'd never ever ever go there again after my zombie apocalypse shop a few weeks ago when I went in for a bathmat and people were screaming and grabbing paper products and crawling on the floor for rice and I got back into my car and cried. But I did get a bathmat. And then Mia got hair dye on it and I cried again. - it's Mia's 17th birthday tomorrow and we're doing a drive-by birthday party. I just wanted some streamers and not a fuck was I going to Party City. - some people, like Max and I, were literally wearing Hazmat suits, eyes skittishly darting if anyone came within 6 feet. - other people seem to be living in an alternate reality. No gloves, nary a mask. I bumped into (from about 7 feet away) a woman I know who has like, 6 kids, wearing flip flops and no protective anything. Not even holding a wet wipe. I don't think I had any exposed skin. She looked shocked when she saw me and then felt compelled to tell me that she is washing her hands frequently. It's a good thing I was wearing a bandanna wrapped around my head. But I hope my ferocious blinking tipped her off. Good thing about wrapped bandannas is that you can scream into them. - what's up with the older folks. Like actually what. the fuck. is. up? Why why why are these people skipping through Target literally licking all of the cart handles? Max kept saying, "Mom, maybe they've already had it!" and I just made grunting noises and chewed on my bandanna not to diffuse his optimism. - Max also hasn't left the house for three weeks. So I'm going to let him be optimistic. But I did think it was important for him to see the outside world to get some perspective when he feels like he doesn't get to do the things he loves. These people didn't fucking help me, thanks! - seriously what the fuck? - now I can't stop saying fuck - sorry mom - I have a knot in my left shoulder. And I can't find my posture thingie machine. SO I'm hunched over. I'm going to end up like a fat drunk humpback. No offense to any fat drunk humpbacks out there. - but really I'm ok. - for some perspective one of our biggest clients has frozen all payments (fuck) and has furloughed 35000 people. Thirty Five Thousand. Hurts for me but really hurts for them. - friends have lost their jobs. Friends are running out of money. - my dear friend in South Africa just lost her dad and they can't go to his cremation because of COVID rules. - I can't tell which of these things are worse. - I actually can't tell anything anymore. When I wake up every morning I forget for a second and then it hits me. - I need more that just a second.